Emotional Hygiene

“Anger and fear undermine our immune system, while warm-heartedness brings peace of mind. Therefore, just as we teach children to comply with physical hygiene for the good of their health, we should also counsel them in a kind of hygiene of the emotions”. - Dalai Lama

I’m a big fan of the Dalai Lama. Hey, I’m a big fan of philosophical men and women. I read their books, gobble up their ‘wise sayings and admire the profundity of their lives. So I could not have missed this quote by the Dalai Lama.

What is Emotional Hygiene?

Dr. Tina B. Tessina, a US licensed psychotherapist, puts it this way; “Life is not easy, and we often encounter problems and difficulties that require us to pay attention to our own feelings. Relationships, too, whether with family, spouses and partners, friends or even colleagues, can create emotional fallout that we need to take care of. In addition, if we want to maintain emotional health and balance; create as much happiness as possible in life; and maintain what the twelve-step programs call serenity, or inner peace; our emotions require care. I call this ongoing, routine care of feelings emotional hygiene”.

The Dalai Lama was pointedly, telling us that in order to build and maintain a happy life, good friendships and relationships; we must assemble an arsenal of healthy emotions and de-clutter our hearts and minds of contrary emotions. According to Tanya Hall, CEO, Greenleaf Book Group, ‘a messy mindset is not conducive to building business’.

As a teenager (and we’ve said this many times), your mind is a huge ‘factory of emotions’. There’s physical experience, socialization, mental turbulence and pressures, all of which can become a huge concoction for your emotional wellbeing. A regular emotional hygiene exercise therefore, can help you beat the confusion, despondence, and even insanity. How do you ensure your mental house is in order?

1.   Hello, self!

Check in with yourself daily. In this way you get to know how you feel and how you regard whatever is going on in your life. With a little muse, you can choose to go the ‘happier’ route and reduce your stress.

• §  Befriend yourself and be kind to yourself. This will give you a better chance at having a good relationship with other people and sets the pattern for how you connect with others.

• §  Be in tune with your feelings so you can make appropriate choices in every phase of your life.

• §  Learn to pamper yourself without feeling guilty. Whether it is taking a walk, reading a book, hanging out with your best friend, playing your favourite music, watching a movie, etc, just go ahead and do it. That’s your ‘personal recharge time’. Just ensure you’re not being lazy and obnoxious. If you don’t love yourself, chances are that you’ll be incapable of loving your neighbour!!!

2.   Life Happens!

Emotional challenges are part of life. They can knock you left, right, and centre. So, don’t let anyone make you feel that an emotional ‘down time’ is a weakness or a sign of defeat. It's all part of our being human. And, I must tell you, even down times don’t last forever, but you can't work through those periods by simply denying them.

§  Your examination results weren’t what you expected?

§  You flunked your medical tests required to join the sports team?

§  You had a blow-out with your parents…again?

§  Your best friend hurt you so badly?

Ouch! You’ve got to take control of how you FEEL, otherwise, your emotions will run riot. Tanya Hall advises that you “Own it, process it, and find the lesson you can learn from it”.

3.   Identify toxic emotions…deal with them!

Dawn Clark warns that “Toxic emotions such as guilt, shame, anger, self-loathing, regret, bitterness, and resentment embed themselves deep within your field. They become the “enemy within,” acidifying your life, poisoning relationships, undermining health, causing all kinds of self-sabotage and destroying life’s golden opportunities”. 

She goes further to add that “Toxic emotions are different from a flash of anger. They are insidious and persistent. Like ticking time bombs, the longer you wait to diffuse them the more at risk you are. Toxic emotions get stuck deep in your morphic field–your underlying blueprint for life–and eat away at you from the inside out”. 

The solution, also from Ms. Clarke – “To successfully rid yourself of these deep-seated pools of toxic energy, you must create a state-change deep within your field that changes the nature of your quantum entanglement to one of gratitude and grace. Only in this way can you be truly free and open the doors to the life you want and deserve”.

4.   Build an Emotionally-healthy life:

They say nature abhors a vacuum. In Matthew 12:43-45, Jesus provided an apt situation where demons have been expelled from a body but without filling that empty space with healthy stuff, the previously banished demon will simply invite several other ‘comrades’ to take over the vacancy. It still rings true today. So you need to make healthy changes in your life:

1. Be Grateful: Be thankful for whatever you have and what your friends and family do for and give to you. Gratitude is emotionally healthy…put that in your shopping cart!

2. Be Generous: Give, willingly and cheerfully, to others – yourself, time, and other resources. Many people do not know that a smile and hug does wonderful things to their recipients…and they cost absolutely nothing! Give to those who can never give you back and watch them blossom right before your eyes.

3. Live by Values: Living your life according to a set of values that promote healthy emotions will make you feel good about yourself. According to Z. Hereford, “A personal value system is a set of principles or ideals that drive and/or guide your behavior. Your personal value system gives you structure and purpose by helping you determine what is meaningful and important to you. It helps you express who you are and what you stand for”. He goes on to say that “Your values define your character. They impact every aspect of your life including: personal and work behaviors; your interactions with family; friends and co-workers; your decision-making processes; the direction you take in life; the overall quality of your life; your happiness and well being”.

This is why it is so important to know what you value, why you value it and what precedence it takes in your life. Below are his categories of a personal value system;

• §  Personal Values - Personal values are those traits we see as worth aspiring to, and that define our character.
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• §  Spiritual Values - The values that connect us to a higher power and give us a sense of purpose beyond our material existence.
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• §  Family Values - To love and care for those we are close to; our children, our parents, other family members, and our friends.
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• §  Career Values - The best use and expression of our talents and skills for the purposes of contributing to society and for monetary compensation.

Emotional hygiene means thinking about your emotional health and staying in touch with your feelings. When you begin to focus on your emotional hygiene, you create an atmosphere of tremendous hope and energy.