My Sibling is Driving Me Nuts!

Having a sibling does give one a good feeling and has its advantages. Whether it is to borrow something from them or to gossip about some nerd at school, all you need to do is head to their room or the next bed space. And if it is to moan about the recent flak from parents, you can be sure to find an understanding ear. Come to think of it, no one else in this world knows you better than your sibling.

But sometimes, having a sibling may just be bigger than what you think you can handle. It gets worse if they are straight-A students while you barely escape with Cs, or star athletes while you only excel in the ‘clapping event’, or are often eulogized as ‘the good child’ while your own testimonial is full of disaffection. You cannot help but feel some resentment at such moments.

Well, that is totally normal. That is what is known as sibling rivalry. If you have a sibling, then you are either trying to deal with it or already there. Sibling rivalry does not last forever and while we may not like it, it is just a normal part of having a sister or brother. Sibling rivalry can range from petty spats to reaching for each other’s throats in anger and fury. As a teenager, sibling rivalry puts a lot of mental and emotional pressure on your relationship.

Why Do Siblings Drive Each Other Crazy?

1)   Unhealthy comparison: Having to watch a sibling hauling home sports trophies, which are prominently displayed by your proud parents for all to see while you feel invisible; or watching your sibling hugging the spotlight while you disappear into the darkness of their shadow; or having to hear your parents constantly praise your sibling while your praise frequency is in deficit, can bring about sibling rivalry.

2)   Unhealthy competition: Sometimes, you may not get along you’re your sibling because of your profound differences, as in age and temperament. As an older sibling, you may feel burdened with the responsibility of looking out for your younger one; meanwhile, the younger sibling may be trying too hard to catch up with you. There is the pressure to be the best in school, in sports, in behaviour, conduct and relationships. Our society teaches that to win is to be better. So, you feel compelled to compete with your sibling.

3)   Battle for attention and control: As siblings, you are inevitably forced to share the one person, or the two people, that you want the most for yourselves - their parents. You want your parents’ attention, and they have just that much time and attention to offer. You also fight because you are jealous of each other and perceive that your parent prefers one sibling to the other. So, when siblings fight, it may be a way for them to get their parents’ attention which they crave but are too embarrassed to express verbally.

Benefits of Sibling Rivalry?

According to middleearthnj.wordpress.com, there are actually, some benefits to sibling rivalry. For one, it offers teens the opportunity to learn how to handle conflicts. Through sibling rivalry, teens learn:

·         sympathy and respect of others

·         how to deal with other personalities

·         how to negotiate

·         conflict resolution

·         why ‘being fair’ isn’t always what happens

·         how to deal with not getting their way

·         how to win

How to Manage Sibling Rivalry

Be guided by set rules:

In many homes, there are set rules against domestic violence. This is to guard against siblings hurting each other badly. As a check on your temper and in order not to worsen your relationship with your sibling, it may be wise to be checked by the set rules as you engage your sibling in disagreements especially, where there are consequences for non-compliance.

Before you act, take deep breaths:

Psychologists often advise that we should take ten deep breaths in order to regain our temper and keep from saying or doing something regretful. Staying composed might be very useful to resolve the argument peacefully.

Walk away:

No matter how nasty your sibling is treating you, be sure to remain the mature one and refuse to respond in kind to their provocation. Instead of fighting back with more insults, just walk away. Most fights between siblings are not even worth the trouble, so save your breath.

Tell your parents:

If it becomes a serious problem that you cannot solve by yourself, then it may be time to involve your parents. Watch out for the right time so you can sit down with them and tell them what’s going on. Try to make your point in a mature, even tone – no shouting and with no embellishment.

Manage your expectations:

There is no perfect relationship between siblings. They just don’t exist. So, it is quite normal to feel jealous, annoyed or frustrated with your sibling every once in a while. But cherish the happy times you spend with them, no matter how rare because those moments will really stick with you when you are living on your own. So, for whatever it is worth, go for dialogue – sit down with your sibling to resolve those issues that bring about quarrels and fights between you.