1 Samuel 30:6, “David
was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their
sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found
strength in the Lord his God”.
It doesn’t matter how
old or young a child is, they will face a lot of disappointments as they
navigate through life. There are different levels of disappointments ranging
from a minor downer (like your best friend forgetting your birthday) to a major
incident (like failing a crucial college examination). It is all part of growing
up and while it may grieve your heart as you go through such pain, in
many respects, disappointment may turn out to be a good thing for teens.
Today, teenagers seem to be more and
more overwhelmed, stressed and anxious (American Psychological
Association). It is even looking like many of them are experiencing
more stress than the adults. Studies by experts report that the common reasons
for this include high parental expectations, the pressure of extracurricular
activities and the need to succeed academically and socially.
Life
sometimes brings us disappointments. Disappointment happens to everyone, but how
can teenagers deal with disappointment in healthy ways? The passage above, from 1
Samuel 30:6, has a few ideas on what to do when disappointment hits us.
1. You don’t have to take it out
on others. David’s
soldiers were very angry because their loved ones had been taken away, as prisoners,
by their enemies. And what did they do? They blamed David. They were so angry
and frustrated that they contemplated attacking him. It was a terrible time for
David. He was facing a potential mutiny even when his own family members were
victims too.
Taking out your disappointment on
others is not a healthy way to deal with it. It is also not the best solution. And
who are the handy victims? Usually, for teens, their parents, siblings, some
friends, school mates, passersby, etc. What would the soldiers have gained from
killing David? At best, a temporary relief from the transferred aggression but
then, the bigger problem of rescuing their families would still remain. So in
the face of disappointment, no matter how provocative, refrain from taking it
out on others. Itis a waste of energy.
2. Find your coping strength in the
Almighty God. David
was in a difficult situation as the commander of the army. Under his watch,
enemy soldiers had attacked his camp and effortlessly carried off his family
and those of his men. He was probably in shock, angry, and disappointed in himself but he
had additional trouble – his men were furious with him. He couldn’t be more
lonely and afraid.
But David did something really amazing - He leaned on God for
coping strength. When you’re down with profound sadness, distressed or disappointed,
find strength in God, not on man and not on things. Encourage yourself in His
word and let the Holy Spirit cheer you up.
3.
Practice
endurance. Nothing goes
perfectly well all the time. There are, sometimes, disappointments along the
journey of life. Some are unavoidable like the falling rain when you expected
sunshine. But you must develop the capacity to face, endure and overcome
disappointments. Failing a crucial examination can be very devastating
but one attitude of top-performing students is that they turn their disappointment energy into more planning and more studying. Sounds unbelievable, isn’t it?
When you
invest in more practice and more planning, you build the confidence and the skills
to overcome the temporary setback. Take driving, for instance. You don’t get it right the first time but as
you persevere to learn and correct your mistakes, the greater your chances of
success.
4. Learn
healthy physical coping mechanisms. Sometimes, some teenagers turn
to substance abuse, violence, disconnection, etc, in order to cope with
disappointment. Unfortunately, this can sabotage their chances of future
success. We need to find healthier ways to overcome a challenge. If you are
feeling depressed or disappointed, one of the best ways to boost your mood and
manage stress is through a physical activity that you enjoy. You can go to the
gym, swim, walk the dog or just enjoy the great outdoors. These activities can
lift your spirits and give you the emotional buffer that you need to tackle the
challenge again.
5.
Keep
things in proper perspective. In the event that
disappointment occurs, talk to someone, a person you love and trust, who can
help you keep the matter on a healthy perspective. By having that talk, you
will probably, come away feeling like it’s not the end of the world, and that
it was probably, not a big deal anyway. At this meeting, you will probably,
have the opportunity to vent your anger and disappointment and show your
emotions and there would be nothing wrong with that. You’ll also come out of
that meeting focusing and healing from what really went wrong so
you can engage in problem solving and not jeopardize your relationships and
self-esteem.
There
will always be challenges in life. Teenagers must learn to cope with any and every disappointment
that the world throws their way. If you regard them as lessons, then you have
created room to learn and to grow. Disappointment happens to everyone. Choose to
take your disappointment experience to God. He will help you through the
situation and will be there for you each step of the way.
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