We,
teenagers, don’t joke with our friends. Our relationship with our buddies is a really
tight one. So, imagine your friend takes you aside and says to you, “I’m in
trouble”; what would you do? And teenagers can get into a whole lot of trouble.
You’d probably wonder, ‘What could be the problem’? Drugs and alcohol? Eating
disorder? Rape? Pregnancy? Thinking about suicide? Planning to run away from
home? Having an affair with a married person? Flunking school grades? Parent
troubles? Or maybe something else just as serious. How can we support our
friends and help them in times of crisis?
A
major basis for friendship is to be there to hold up your friend through the good
times and the not-so-good times. Already, it is sometimes difficult for
teenagers to confess to having a problem, not to talk of divulging such to
another person, even their friends. So, it is possible that your friend may be
struggling with a predicament and not confide in you, for many reasons. They
could be ashamed – imagine if it is about a sexually transmitted infection (STI);
or afraid – they got involved in a robbery and the police are looking for them
everywhere. Therefore, if you suspect that something is seriously wrong with
your friend, there are warning signs you can watch out for.
Warning Signs of a Troubled Teen
1. 1. They
are always irritable and if you are close enough to them, you will see signs of
sleeplessness/tiredness/lack of concentration.
2. 2. You
will also discover that they hardly sit down to even talk, or eat.
3. 3. They
seem to want to be by themselves, doing their own thing, some kind of
withdrawal from regular activities.
4. 4. They
look sad and moody, a lot of the time, and unconsciously too, like they are
lost in thought regarding a troubling situation.
5. 5. Sometimes,
they just burst out crying or flay up in sudden fits of anger which they find
difficult to explain. Your friend who was almost taciturn in school suddenly
becomes noisy and boisterous or the talkative one becomes reserved.
6. 6. All
of a sudden, they are excessively conscious of their appearance – dressing,
hair, weight, etc.
7. 7. The
troubled friends with suicidal tendencies begin to express feelings of
hopelessness and helplessness; fear and angst.
8. 8. In the
course of your conversation, they seem to care less about themselves and offer
to give away their things; talk about travelling ‘far away’.
9. 9. They
can ask you if you know someone who can help them prepare a will; ask if they
will be missed, etc.
10. 10. Sometimes,
they seem to be avoiding you; and casting glances at you to observe if you are
watching them.
Some Tips for Supporting your Friend
1. 1. You
will make them know that you care and that you want to help.
2. 2. Let
them know that you are worried too about whatever is going on with them and
that whatever hurts them hurts you too.
3. 3. Don’t
be surprised if they deny that anything’s wrong or become angry and accuse you
of prying. You just ensure that you are showing them that you love and care
about them.
4. 4. When
they begin to talk to you about what’s going on, refrain from blaming or
dismissing the problem. This will impede your ability to help them. Instead,
let them know you are taking them seriously. Show them empathy and let them
know you are there with them, every step of the way.
5. 5. If
the problem requires some level of expertise, like counselling or treatment or
both, encourage them to seek such help but be willing and ready to go with
them.
It isn’t easy to be in trouble as a
teenager, whether small or big. So, having a supporting friend in such times
may just be what you need to overcome what has happened, to get the help you
need, and to put your life together again. You can be that friend. After all, what
are friends for?
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