A Time for Reflection

The word, reflection, among other definitions, describes a situation whereby a person engages in serious thought or deep consideration of things that have happened in the past with a view to identify success areas and those for improvement, expansion, etc. At the end of the year, a lot of people, including groups, organizations and institutions take time out to reflect on their experience/performance during the months past with a view to planning for a better future. When the reflection exercise is done personally, it is described as self-reflection.

With self-reflection you take time to think about your life and your purpose, as well as your place in the world. You question the choices you have made in life, in the past year(s), or along career and business lines and as you do so, you run a check on whether you are still living true to your own values and achieving your goals. It is a very valuable exercise for personal development and growth.

Carl Sandburg puts it this way: “A man must find time for himself. Time is what we spend our lives with. If we are not careful we find others spending it for us. . . . It is necessary now and then for a man to go away by himself and experience loneliness; to sit on a rock in the forest and to ask of himself, 'Who am I, and where have I been, and where am I going?' . . . If one is not careful, one allows diversions to take up one's time—the stuff of life.”

Jeff Cobb shares a few of the ways reflection can impact your life and your learning:

1. It helps you learn from – and get past – your mistakes

“I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work,” Thomas Edison is often quoted (or perhaps misquoted) as having said. You can bet Edison spent time going back over his mistakes and failures, but he did it as a means of finding his way forward to future successes.

2. It helps you learn from – and celebrate – your successes.

We can and should learn from our mistakes and failures, but there is also evidence that we may learn more from our successes.  In any case, there is not much joy in living and learning if we don’t take time to acknowledge the things we have done right – and build upon them.

3. It helps you make connections and generate new ideas.

When you take time to think back through your experiences, you almost inevitably begin to see connections among them that were not obvious at first. One thing always leads to another when you are reflecting, and before you know it, you’ve got a great new idea – whether for a convenient, affordable way to provide light to the average household, like Edison.

4. It helps you to help others

Ideally, those connections you see when you reflect include connections to others. No learner is an island. How can you share what you’ve learned and how you have learned it in a way that benefits others? I think that simple question tends to be the foundation for so many successful personal relationships as well as businesses and nonprofit initiatives. And it all starts with reflection.

5. It gives you perspective and helps you relax.

So many of us, myself included, live lives that are overly busy and flooded by a continual stream of new information. We make mistakes, get overwhelmed, and succumb to stress. Taking a few minutes daily to reflect, though, has an incredibly calming effect. It can help us put all of our efforts into perspective. Living and learning are not about some grand, ultimate goal. They are simply about learning and living. Relax.

How to Achieve Successful Self-Reflection

1.   The Purpose: Why do you want to engage in self-reflection? Is it that things aren’t going right with you or it about assessing the performance of your goals? It is also important that you be precise about what your self-reflection will be centered upon. Will it be about your academic pursuit? Career or business? Relationships? Faith? Weight loss? Or what?

2.   Seclusion: Self-reflection is actually, a lonely exercise. You need a quiet place, devoid of distraction to successfully engage in self-reflection. You may need some writing materials to jot down ideas and revelations that come to you as you reflect in time and experience.

3.   Self-Talk: Self-reflection has also been described as an opportunity to engage your senses. You’ll be doing a whole lot of thinking, something like a total recall, on the purpose(s) of your self-reflection. As you write them down, you will confront yourself on areas where you need to provide answers. It may sound like some ‘out-of-body’ experience but remember, it’s just you and nobody else, so the only pressure on you is from you. At this moment, you cannot lie to yourself because you need to get everything out, and frankly too.

4.   Read: You can utilize the period of your self-reflection to read about people who may have had your type of experience and how they got through theirs. When one is ‘in the dumps’, it seems like you are the only one who’s been through it…until you find someone or others who has/have. Their story can be a great help to your outcome.

5.   Take Action: Start with the good times. Counting your blessings is a great way to stay encouraged and strengthened. A grateful heart sees every experience as a gift. Why and how did you succeed? Then, courageously, list out the ‘not-so-good’ times with a careful review of the situation. What went wrong? By whom? How can we avoid a recurrence? A final step would be to chart the way forward, bearing in mind that someone just may be a beneficiary of your journey.

So, we’ve come to the end of another year. How have you fared? At Teens+, we’ll be taking time off to reflect on our mission. How have we impacted your life with our weekly exhortations? We have had raving reviews and gotten involved in quite a number of counseling interventions but will that translate to a success story?

We intend to take a cue from Ashly Lorenzana: “Even if you think you're doing well and have it all figured out, there is a voice you will always inevitably hear at some point which nags at you and says "but wait..." Don't ever dismiss it, listen to what it has to say. Life will never be close enough to perfect, and listening to that voice means stepping outside of yourself and considering your own wrongdoings and flaws.”

As you plan for the Christmas season, the festive period, and holidays, set aside some time for reflection. You need to take an assessment of 2018 (or even earlier) and put together your plan for 2019. Here’s wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and an awesome New Year 2019 in advance!!!

Acknowledgment: www.wikihow.com

A Different Ability

On December 3 of every year, the whole world celebrates the United Nations International Day of Persons with Disabilities (IDPD). Wikipedia describes disability as “an impairment that may be cognitive or developmental, intellectual, mental, physical, or some combination of these”. From all indications, disability affects, in a substantial manner, a person’s life and may occur at birth or during a person’s life time. According to World Health Organization (WHO), “disability is an umbrella term, covering impairments, activity limitations, and participation restrictions”.

There are generally recognized, six types of disabilities. They include physical, visual, hearing, mental, intellectual and learning disabilities. Physical disability - physiological, functional and/or mobility impairment; visual disability - a condition where an individual has just 10% or less of normal vision. People generally, refer to people with visual impairment as blind. People with hearing disabilities are described as deaf, meaning they suffer from very significant loss of their hearing. Mental disabilities can take many forms, and are generally classified into six categories: schizophrenia, depression, anxiety disorder, eating disorder, personality disorder, and brain disorder. Intellectual disability is diagnosed when a person’s ability and capacity to learn is significantly below average. Learning disability refers to a condition where a person experiences difficulty in the interpretation of what they see and hear.

People with disabilities are among the most marginalized groups in the world. They suffer from poor health, lower educational opportunities and achievements, less economic opportunities and participation and higher rates of poverty than people without disabilities.

All of us have come across someone or persons living with one disability or another. We have them in our homes and families; in our neighbourhoods and communities; in our schools and workplaces; hospitals and churches, etc. We probably, look at them with pity, contempt or with a desire to help and support them. Living with disability is tough. People living with disability have confessed that they suffer from societal stigma which leads to indifference, hostility, isolation and discrimination. Bullies find them cheap prey and criminals target them too and they rarely get justice for evil acts committed against them.

But that someone is living with disability doesn’t make them less human. They are not only protected by natural laws but they have human rights too. The society may treat them badly but the time has come for the people of God to stand up and be counted for fighting for the protection and empowerment of people living with disability. As a teenager, you can befriend them and love them instead of showing your pity or even horror; become their ‘defender’ by keeping the bullies and criminals at bay; become their advocate by promoting and supporting causes that will impact them positively and empower them.

I have very fond memories of Adeboye Abioye (1972-2016). Boye, as we loved to call him, was the Founder of *Theseabilities Foundation*, an NGO dedicated to the pursuit and actualization of the rights and recognition of disabled persons in Nigeria. Sadly, Boye died on September 14, 2016 at the age of 44. Boye lived with physical disability. He’d lost the use of both his legs and was on a wheelchair but Boye was never bothered by any stigma associated with his disability. He was a very sociable person. There was no dull moment with him. Boye possessed a different ability. He couldn't use his legs, but he had other faculties.

Boye graduated from the University of Lagos with a first degree in French. Through his Foundation, Boye influenced building construction designs to provide facilities for the physically-challenged in Lagos State. His advocacy led to the passing of the Lagos State Special People’s Law in 2011. Ex-President Goodluck Jonathan appointed him as a member of the National Council on MSMEs.

In my interaction with Boye, I found him to be a very brave young man. When I asked him the story behind the name of his Foundation, Boye said, “We all have different abilities”. It wasn’t about what he’d lost (legs), but about what was available (life, hope, God). Boye had an unshakeable faith in God.

David said in Psalm 18:39, “You gave me strength for battle”. People living with disability are daily, fighting the battle of life and need God’s sustainable strength to persevere and to win. All over the world, while many of them have had their conditions worsened by brutal persecution and crippling poverty, many others have triumphed over their situation and circumstances. For some, their victory has come as a result of their determination to find their ‘available abilities’; to draw on divine strength; and to grab the opportunities provided, no matter how little.

In Pursuit of Habitual Excellence

“Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” ― Aristotle

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might” (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

Introduction

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “Excellence is the quality of being outstanding or extremely good”. To excel is defined as, “to do or be better than; to surpass.” For many out there, excellence would mean being better than the competition or achieving significance usually, through the praise and applause of other people.

Truly, to excel is to perform at a level higher than normal; beyond a defined limit. It speaks of superiority in performance, quality, or degree. For us as Christians, excellence is a virtue which we should pursue at all times. Unlike the world, the difference is in our motivation – we pursue excellence, not for self-exaltation but to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31; Colossians 3:23-24).

Excellence is not about age or status. It is the exclusive journey of those who desire to reject mediocrity, young or old; rich or poor. Therefore, as a teenager, you can be committed to a life of excellence in your words, action, and thought. Whether it is in performing domestic chores, or in your school work, or the work place, in any assignment whatsoever, you can put in that extra effort by giving it your best shot. Nothing else should do for an ambassador of Christ!

The Walk to Excellence

1.   Be Excellent at Home: The best place to practice excellence is in your home. Whenever you have an opportunity to do something (and those opportunities come per minute), be ready to learn in order to give it your best shot. As a teenager, all chores are actually, within your ability to perform or an opportunity for learning and manifesting excellence for the Almighty God. So stop complaining whenever you are asked to do chores, now that you know what is at stake. As you mop that dirty floor, for instance, turn it into a masterpiece and make God proud!

2.   Be Excellent in School: About 70-90% of your years as a teenager will be spent in school. There are expectations here and implications for your future. Your academic ‘stakeholders’ expect you to do your best and make good grades. Remember, they have invested physically, emotionally, and financially in you and you shouldn’t let all of that go down the drain. In addition, getting excellent grades guarantees your eligibility for further academic pursuits. Look at another addition – God awaits that great result! Bearing this in mind, go out there and ‘break a leg’.

3. Be Excellent at the Workplace: The teen age seems to provide the opportunity to ‘live’ in several worlds. There’s home, school, and also the workplace where you are either working during your vacation, or as part of your academic curriculum, or as a volunteer. You could also be holding a full-time job. But whichever, remember that it is an opportunity to build relationships, acquire skills and practical work experience, showcase your God-given talents, add value/proffer solutions, and many more benefits, including earning some money. This is therefore, a call for committed and dedicated service, the outstanding kind that catapults you to heights you never imagined (Proverbs 22:29).

4.   Be Excellent in the Community: There’s a world out there bigger than what can you possibly conceive. You are currently, a member of the community where you live, school and work. What role are you playing in the progress and development of your community? How involved are you in the transformation of your community for good? Are you growing positively yourself, in order to help others grow? Are you participating or leading young people like you unto the faith and good works? With excellence as your ‘road map’, you must be law-abiding and actively give your best to the community. Engaging in obnoxious and unruly behaviour is a no-no.

5.   Be Excellent in your Relationships: Oh, how I love the words of 1 Timothy 4:12, “Let no one show little respect for you because you are young. Show other Christians how to live by your life. They should be able to follow you in the way you talk and in what you do. Show them how to live in faith and in love and in holy living”. A life of excellence is the 360-degrees kind. It calls on every area and aspect of your life to conform. So you need to understand that it comes from the inside of you to the outside. Be careful about the company you keep, your hangout locations, your social media conversations, your behaviour, conduct and attitude. When you remain conscious of how all of these tie up to your walk to excellence, then you are on your way to excellence.

Conclusion

Working toward a life of excellence does not mean you won’t make mistakes. That wouldn’t be life, would it? Just that your mistakes should become lessons and a growth opportunity, not only for you but for others too. Stay faithful to anything you do, no matter how little so that faithfulness in the big things will become a piece-of-cake (Matthew 25:14-30). Resist the pressure from your peers to under-achieve as the latest fad… ‘getting by’ isn’t good enough! Don’t join your peers to do wrong, binge on drugs and alcohol. Let the word of God motivate you unto a life of excellence…daily. Set goals that indicate the quality of excellence you desire and when you achieve them, celebrate the grace of God upon your life. Remember, you could not have done it without Him.

God deserves our best and everything we do should reflect God’s honour and glory. John Newton, the author of the hymn “Amazing Grace” said: “I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I will be. But thank God I am not what I used to be”.

Challenging the Status Quo

What does it mean to challenge the status quo? It means to do things drastically different from the normal order so as to make better positive impact; deepen mental capacities; and create greater development. Something like 'healthy rebellion' (if there's anything like that). One thing is common about every individual, leader, movement, and organization that has ever been famous and great - they challenged the status quo!

Martin Luther, a German professor of theology, composer, priest, and monk, is one of Western history’s most significant figures. At the age of about 34, in 1517, Martin Luther publicly objected to the way the church was selling indulgences - documents bought by individuals in order to be released from punishment as a result of their sins. Martin Luther challenged the status quo. He will be forever remembered for his translation of the Bible into German (a literary and biblical hallmark) which has triggered translations in hundreds of languages. Today, the Bible has become available to everyone, instead of an exclusive privilege of the clergy.

As millennials, also known as Generation Y, the whole world has had you stereo-typed. You have also been referred to as the “Peter Pan or Boomerang Generation” because of the tendency, of some of you, to move back in with your parents. This has been attributed to the situation of the economy and your inability to endure hardship. It has also been observed that you seem averse to the ‘adult life’ like getting married, holding a job, selecting a career, etc. Not done yet, you have been, variously, described as lazy, conceited, attention-seeking, and having unrealistic expectations about life. So, typically, you are expected to laze about with your ear piece and mobile phone, hang out with your friends (like, all day), hunger after the latest technological device, feel and act ‘entitled’, and generally, be obnoxious.

But it’s not all bad. There have also been some positive observations of you being more open-minded; more supportive of victims of inequalities and human rights; more confident, self-expressive, liberal, upbeat and receptive to new ideas and ways of living (Douglas Main). It is with these positives that you can look around you and challenge the status quo, the stereo type, and break out of the box that will not fit your desire to make a difference in the world.

Apostle Paul challenged young Timothy thus: “Let no one look down on [you because of] your youth, but be an example and set a pattern for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in [moral] purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). Making a difference, challenging the status quo, therefore, shouldn’t be about your age, but about the example you set; the way you distinguish yourself.

Lolly Daskal is the Founder/CEO, Lead From Within. She believes that in challenging the status quo, we test our skills and challenge ourselves. She wants you to ask yourself:

• What needs to be challenged?
• What needs to be improved?
• What is the greatest risk?
• What can I expect?
• What can I learn?

She goes on to emphasize the following; “We are not here to stay content. We are here to do better. The gift of life is to make a difference, and the call of leadership is to say this is not good enough. We have the choice to make things better. We have an obligation to challenge the status quo. When we meet that obligation, we are inspiring others to do better and think bigger”.

After challenging the status quo, she then wants you to ask yourself:

• What have I learned?
• What did I not expect?
• What went right?
• What went wrong?
• What would I do differently?
• What could I have done better?

Lolly also advises, “Don’t challenge for challenge’s sake; learn from the experience. When we challenge the status quo, we believe that our abilities will be able to make a difference”.

So, what action will you take to challenge the status quo today?

Is Your Cell Phone Ruling Your Life?

Let’s thank God for all the developments in the technology space today, one of which is the invention of the cell phone. The cell phone phenomenon has affected every sphere of life, growth and progress; domestic, commercial and industrial. It has been revolutionary and everyone seems to have one handset or more. With the cell phone, communication across all kinds of borders has become so easy. We make and receive calls; send and receive text messages; send and receive chats, photos, video and audio recordings, animations, etc; shop online and pay online; play games, monitor your home, car, etc… do virtually everything. One wonders how we lived before the birth of the cell phone.

You need to see teenagers and their cell phones. It’s their prized possession. They are always talking on it, with earphones dangling; texting and/or chatting for hours on end and right through the night as well. With the cell phone, the teenager can easily obtain information and knowledge by browsing the internet; call up family, friends and colleagues; reach someone faster in an emergency situation; listen to music and watch movies. The level of usage and exposure is impacted by the age of the teen (ages 13-15 compared to 16-19); friends at school; colleagues at work; upbringing at home; television; and the internet, etc.

But with all its advantages, the cell phone has some drawbacks which have been identified and steps being taken to ensure better use of the cell phone. Apart from observed anti-social tendencies, the cell phone has also become a medium for all kinds of immorality and crime. We hear of sexting, cyberbullying, human trafficking; pedophilia, identity crimes, financial crimes, pornography, etc. All of these things are being done from cell phones in our community. It has now become urgent to teach teenagers cell phone etiquette and provide awareness on the ‘other side’ of cell phone use. That is why we need to seriously talk about cell phone etiquette. It will bring out the good breeding in us and add an extra measure of safety;

Respect the “Don’t Use” Areas

In a combination of etiquette and safety, there are places that have been globally, demarcated for no cell phone use. They include airplanes, fuel/gas stations, public functions (training programmes, meetings, seminars, conferences, etc), banks, etc. Safety experts especially, caution on the use of cell phones while driving; while cooking in the kitchen; while fueling the generator or car; around any radioactive facility. But despite the warning signs boldly displayed in the respective places, voluntary compliance has been a problem for young people, to their detriment. Many have been fined by traffic authorities for flagrant disobedient; been injured or killed in accidents traced to the dangerous use of the cell phone. Let’s endeavour to respect rules and regulations that are based on our safety and protection. This will show us to the world as people of good manners guided by positive values.

Don’t be anti-social

Parents, and other adults, complain some teenagers have trouble tearing themselves away from their cell phones long enough to be able to reconnect with the real world. You see them with their eyes and fingers glued to their mobile devices while they seem to shut out any opportunity to interact with the people around them. Sociology experts believe that young people today would be less capable of managing social relationships normally because they have so little practice chatting with other people. This may become a big problem for society in the future. This is therefore, a wake-up call, to teenagers to make time to mingle with family members and friends without the distraction and interruption of their cell phones.

Risks to Privacy

Most teenagers carry their vital information and records on their cell phones – messages, photos, videos, financial records, contacts, and networks, etc. In the event that the cell phone is stolen, there is the risk of privacy exposure and your entire life revealed to another individual and the possibility of that causing a lot of harm and loss. Some teenagers talk so loudly on their cell phones that everyone around can hear them and imagine what sensitive information can be to the hearing of a criminal. We hear about young people (and sometimes, their loved ones) falling prey to really bad people from information obtained from their cell phone; being harassed by cyber-bullies; and blackmailed by unscrupulous people. It is important to be careful here. Keep very sensitive material out of your cell phone.

Please permit me to add the following disadvantages of using mobile phones for long hours as listed by Ambika Bhagat in listsurge.com;

1.   Brain cancer

2.   Increased stress level

3.   Weakened immune system

4.   Chronic pain

5.   Eye/vision problems

6.   Hinders sleep

7.   Germs

8.   Hampers thinking process

9.   Prone to accident

10.        Hampers dedication to work

11.        Nomophobia

12.        Phantom pocket vibration syndrome

13.        Anxiety

14.        Vulnerability to cyber crimes

15.        Impaired concentration/attention span

16.        Risk to the unborn/infertility

17.        Depression

18.        Loss of hearing

19.        Skin allergies and infection

20.        Unhealthy weight management and fitness level

Ephesians 5:15 says, “So be very careful how you live. Do not live like those who are not wise, but live wisely”. Let’s do all things in moderation!!!

The Generosity in You

“Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal” - Rumi

According to Wikiversity, generosity is “giving to another person something that is yours out of your own freewill and not as an obligation”. Huffpost.com describes it so well as “the quality of being kind and understanding, the willingness to give others things that have value”.

The moment the word ‘generous’ is mentioned, I know a lot of people who’d immediately think it’s about giving money but it is not always so. There are so many non-monetary acts of generosity we can cultivate in our everyday lives. As a teenager, a habit of generosity will go a long way to make you the great person you want to be in future.

You can start with the non-monetary generosity: a simple smile (you can’t begin to imagine what a smile means to a stranded stranger or a dejected child); spending time with PLWDs and the elderly; volunteering at homeless shelters, hospitals and orphanages; giving your talent and resources to worthy community causes; showing respect, love, commendation, etc, to others.

Generosity is a manifestation of good character. It isn’t easy to look out for the needs of others – ask selfish people… but it takes genuine humility to be generous. The natural tendency of man is to hoard what they have, not share with, or much less, give to others, especially since true generosity is unconditional. With unconditional generosity, you give without anticipation of repayment, and sometimes, not even a word of appreciation.

I love telling young people that generosity spreads. It can be transferred from generation to generation; from person to person; and family to family. One act of generosity towards another can spread to other people who never even knew anything about it, over a period of time. I’ve benefitted from the generosity of people who’ve told me my parents, grandparents, spouse, siblings, children, friends, etc, were good to them at some time.

Generosity has a lot of benefits. According to huffpost.com, generosity;

1.   Reduces stress

2.   Supports one’s physical health

3.   Enhances one’s sense of purpose

4.   Naturally fights depression

5.   Increases one’s lifespan

6.   Promotes social connection

7.   Improves relationships

8.   Makes you feel better about yourself

The Story of Raphael

I met Raphael when I was running a cold storage business somewhere in Lagos, Nigeria. He was seventeen, had just completed his secondary school education and looking to do something to earn some money. Along with frozen foods, we also had chilled table and sachet water for sale. Raphael was willing to buy and hawk the water around the neighbourhood, which was a huge commercial area with plenty of pedestrians desperate for available chilled water to drink on a boiling-hot day.

Raphael was so hard working. In a matter of weeks, he was selling as much as five packs of table water (12 pet bottles each) and ten bags of sachet water (20 sachets each) in just one day. Now Raphael had told me that he’d like to go to the university and he’d be saving his sales proceeds towards that desire. I didn’t have the heart to discourage him by telling him that he’d have several years of hawking to do but I supported him to obtain the JAMB Form and attend extramural lessons. Raphael did very well in the examinations but he had no hope of following up on his admission or even paying his fees.

One morning, I noticed that Raphael didn’t return for quite a long time for another supply. This was so unusual. He had the fastest turnaround time among all our retailers and I became worried. When he finally, showed up, Raphael told me he’d helped an elderly lady, carrying heavy bags, to her house in the neighbourhood. On the way, both of them enjoyed plenty conversation about his family, his schooling aspirations, his retailing business, etc. She was happy to hear that Raphael had taken the university examinations and scored so well. Subsequently, Raphael would stop by her house to visit and help with chores.

One day, this lady invited Raphael to visit her to meet somebody. Raphael was introduced to a senior member of staff in one of the universities Raphael chose and is the lady’s son. To cut the story short, this man helped Raphael to secure admission into the university and a scholarship from the state government, and gave Raphael accommodation in his own home. Today, Raphael is a graduate and doing well. God had given him the keys to his door of opportunities and he opened that door with generosity to an old woman.

With habitual generosity, you become detached from material possessions. The tendency to acquire and hoard is completely lost on you. Rather, you are occupied with ensuring that the needs of others are met; hopes are raised; and lives inspired. Like Raphael, generosity could also be the key to your door of opportunities. 

Richelle E. Goodrich said, “Every sunrise is an invitation for us to arise and brighten someone’s day”.